is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
