her vagine was all disorganized.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
