just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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