just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Randomize
