...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
