I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Randomize
