so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
