i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
