..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Randomize
