where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Randomize
