According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
