your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
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