she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Randomize
