dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Randomize
