Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Randomize
