if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Randomize
