Whod you bang
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Randomize
