you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I will die if light touches me.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Randomize
