If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
