I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
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