I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Randomize