just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize