yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize