I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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