Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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