We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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