Kareoke will never be a sober sport
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
