it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize