Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
