so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
i think i have herpe
just one?
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
