New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
