hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
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