You're completely useless in the revolution.
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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