i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
