i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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