Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
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