She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
We are two peas in an std pod
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
