If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
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