He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Randomize
