What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Randomize
