Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I have already put on my inside pants.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
