Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
Randomize
