I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize
