i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
