she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Randomize
