he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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