He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
