Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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