She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
