32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Randomize
