so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
