he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
