I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
i think i have herpe
just one?
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Blood and glitter go together right?
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Randomize
