Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize