i already hear my dad disowning me
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
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