you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
