summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
I did not marry a roomba.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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