Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Randomize
