$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
