Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
