please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Randomize
