im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
