The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
