There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Randomize
