guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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