i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Randomize
