Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
These tits shall not be calmed
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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