I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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