Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I AM VODKA MAN
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
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