Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
