she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
