Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
