He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
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