you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
