um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
