I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Randomize
