happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
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