I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
