Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
