either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Randomize
