Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
