It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Randomize
