I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
