Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
