why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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