I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
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