yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Randomize
