i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Randomize
