Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
It's blow job season.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
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