oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
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