his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
