can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
