I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
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