i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
