I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
