is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Randomize
