Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize
